The Alanna Morrison Story

Alanna Morrison was an only child, she had high hopes and big dreams like every other twelve year old girl. She was kind-hearted, and had a love for animals who wanted to be a veterinarian when she grew up. Her life changed instantaneously on December 23rd, 1992, after her parents were killed by a drunk driver who crossed the center line and hit their car head on. Four lives were taken on that cold, snowy day. The 27 year old intoxicated man who had an argument with his girlfriend earlier that day and caused the accident, both, Mr. & Mrs. Morrison, and their unborn child. Shortly thereafter, Alanna went to live with her grandparents in another town. She tried to adapt, but never quite recovered from that unfortunate event. In the years to come, her life had become an endless battle of trials and misfortunes. She questioned God, asking why he took her family away from her. As she grew older, she tried to understand why difficult situations arise in life, and why things unfold the way they do, but she never could.

Alanna grew older and went off to college. She met people along the way, considered them friends, and helped them when they needed her. Some of those friends took her kindness for weakness, leaving her high & dry when she needed a shoulder to cry on. She tried to understand why they did what they did, but couldn’t understand those people neither.

Time marched forward and her grandparents had both passed, and she had no one to tell her that everything would be okay.
Alanna became more anguished and seeked someone’s support; but she could not find it anywhere. She immensely needed an anchor admist to survive the inevitably, unpredictable nature of life, but there was no anchor. She was drowning in the deep waters of despair, shouting out for someone to help, anyone that would pull her out and give her a brief moment of their time like she once did for them. But, no one could hear her cry, because they were all too busy living their lives. They only existed in their own times of need.

That’s when she threw in the towel, and gave up! She gave up on people; she gave up on faith; then she gave up her herself.. Alanna went on living without feeling anything at all and fell into a deep state of numbness and indifference. Then, one day she looked at herself in the mirror, not knowing who she was anymore; becoming a stranger to herself. She was ready to reunite with the family she’d lost, leaving the agony & despair behind, in an unwelcoming world where she didn’t belong. One bullet, a 357 Magnum and she was gone.

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Oftentimes, I get myself jammed up in awkward situations that are preventable. I am my own worst enemy and it’s a result of my own self-inflicted behaviours. Lack of impulse control would best describe it. 😉


It’s one of those things where I act before I think and it’s like “oppsie daisy I did it again!” Now that’s my brain when I fail to take my medicine. Like, who didn’t know that?
I was diagnosed with ADHD at the young age of six. Subsequent to the diagnosis, I felt like I was different than everyone because of it. Why? Because it was a challenge for me to obtain good grades in school when my fellow students had no issues. Shortly thereafter, my doctor treated me and put me on the medication Ritalin. Back in the early 1980′s, Adderall and Vyvanse wasn’t on the market yet and Ritilin was the only known medication that seemingly worked best for me. Moving forward, I was able to focus on my school work, concentrate without distractions and my grades improved. Thereafter I learned to accept it, work through it, live with it, crack jokes and laugh about it, just to make the best of it.
Im some cases, Individuals who were diagnosed with childhood ADHD outgrow the disorder by the time they approach adulthood. Then here’s me, still ADHD as hell and when I fail to take my medicine I have a difficult time focusing on what I’m going to do next or what I’m “OH look at that cat, did you see that grey cat over there?  Oh, sorry I got distracted. Let me apologize now for my actions later. 😂

Have you ever heard of PROCRAFTINATING??? Yes, it’s when you’re working on a crafty project when you should be picking up the kids from school, making dinner, or finishing the 5 loads of laundry that your husbands been riding your ass about all week. 😭

So my train of thought left the station without me. That only means one thing? I guess I’m stuck waiting for the next one. 😃


My ADHD makes it hard for me to focus and focus and it sounds like hocus pocus and I really like magic a whole lot, abracadabra, hahaha.
You know you have ADHD when you don’t realize that you’ve interrupted somebody until they get pissed off at you. 😂


I wish I could sleep, but my ADHD kicks in and well  basically…one sheep, two sheep, cow, turtle, duck, olé McDonald had a farm, heyyyyyy macarena! 😉


2020 Goals – To accomplish the goals of 2019, which I should have done in 2018 because I made a promise in 2017 that I planned in 2016. 😭

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Gratitude Thursday

A Short Story Written By: Holly L. Brandt

It was a hot summer day in the small town of Lake Mills, Iowa and society was beginning to bounce back from the Great Depression. The town was nothing more than a crossing where North Lake St. intersected with Old State Rt. 971. Marshall’s Hotel & Restaurant was a well-known family owned business, established in 1892. A post office occupied the corner directly across from Marshall’s and next door to that was Ernie’s Service Station, a garage where the townspeople took their cars for repairs & gasoline. Then, there was Cooper’s Grocery & Farmers Market directly across the street from the gas station, also family owned by Dick Cooper and his wife, Beverly. Such a swell couple.

Then, there was eight year old Thomas Anderson on his way home from fishing at the lake all afternoon and decided to stop for an ice cream break at Marshall’s. He left his fishing pole leaning against the wall outside the entrance, then he went inside and sat at the only open table by himself. It was lunchtime and the restaurant was crowding with hungry patrons flowing through the door waiting for a vacant seat. A waitress named Elisabeth approached the table and sat a glass of ice water in front of him. “Can I help you?” She asks, wearing a black & white uniform dress that went down to her middle knee’s, her waist length dark hair was twisted up in a bun. She stood at the table with a pen & tablet and was more than ready to write down his order.

“How much is an ice cream sundae, mam?” The little boy asks the waitress, sitting at the table and sipping his ice water.

“Fifty cents” the waitress replied quickly. Then he pulled his hand out from his pocket to count the coins he had in his hand.

“Well, then how much is a plain dish of ice cream?” He asks, and by then, the impatient waitress was seemingly annoyed with the boy.

“Thirty-five cents” she replied, in a brusque manner. He recounts his coins one last time.

“I’ll just have a plain dish of ice cream, please. The annoyed waitress walks away for a moment, then returns with the dish of ice cream. She leaves the bill on the table and walks away. When the little boy was finished, he took the bill, paid the cashier and walked off. When the waitress returned back to clean the table, her eyes filled with tears as she found two nickels and five pennies sitting next to the empty dish. You see, he needed enough money to leave her a tip, and that’s why he didn’t order the sundae.

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Continue reading “Gratitude Thursday”

Pieces Of My Memoir – Part 2

Christmas & New Year’s had come and gone, and I became a lonely woman with a lost soul. John worked all day, but even when he was around in the evenings, he didn’t have much to say. My father would drop JJ off once John got home from work. My family no longer trusted me with my son, because of my active addiction. They were only looking out for his well-being. In retrospect, I can’t say I blame them one bit. Rich began to call on a regular basis and as much of an asshole he was, I needed someone to talk to. He listened to me and treated me like a friend. He would always tell me that l had self-worth and try to build me up. He finally had his own vehicle and a place to live. By no means, was I interested in finding another partner, I had no intentions on leaving John, he was still my soulmate and I wanted to make things right with him once and for all, but it wasn’t looking good. I spoke to Rich once a day, normally in the early afternoon while John was at work, which was probably for the best. He invited me to go stay up in Erie for a few days to clear my head and get away from it all and he’d drive me back whenever I felt better. I was severely depressed, but leaving wasn’t the best idea, only because I wouldn’t see JJ in the evenings and put him to bed at night like I always did. It was the only time I got to bond with him and John had no problem with it when he was around to supervise our visits. Rich began to talk me into leaving and I just kept telling him I couldn’t because I still had priorities to take care of. He told me to make arrangements to have JJ cared for and he would bring me back. Again, I clarified to him that it would be virtually impossible for me to just up & leave. He continued to play his game and make me believe that he was my friend, and he’d never give up on me like everyone else had.

On February 13th, 2013 at 9;30 p.m., John and I had heated argument when he found out I was communicating with Rich. It took him over the edge completely. JJ was at my parents house spending the night, because he enjoyed going to visit his pappy and nana. It was a good thing he wasn’t around, because things got ugly. I felt like I was being shanked multiple times in the heart by my husband. Although, John never abused me in any way, not physically or mentally, but the things he said that night really fucked me up and sucked the life right out of me. By this time, I was a hot mess. I was suicidal and was ready to opt out of this world for good. That’s when my vulnerability got the best of me and I decided to take Rich up on his invitation and get out of town for a few days. I went upstairs to pack a suitcase and called Rich. I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and dialed his number. After two rings, he answered.

“Hi honey, what’s up with you?” He said.

Crying hysterically, “I just can’t do this anymore, Rich. Please-please-please come get me!’ I said, in my sobbing voice while setting the big, blue suitcase on the bed.

“Honey, what’s going on? Talk to me, PLEASE!! He said, overly concerned about what just happened.

“Me and John had a big fight, I just want to get out of here.” I said, as I was pulling clothes from dresser and closet. I said. “I need to get a shower and I’ll be ready. I felt unwanted, as if I was no longer worthy to my husband.

“Okay I’m going to start my truck, give me an address so I can put it in my GPS, then I’ll give you an ETA. I’m gonna start my truck and warm it up for a few minutes than leave. Finish what you’re doing and I’ll see you in a few hours.

“Okay, I’m getting a shower and I’ll talk to you shortly.” I said. starting to calm down a little. I finished packing my bag, jumped in the shower, got dressed, and took my suitcase downstairs and put it in the foyer next to the front door. I got a message from him saying he would be here by 12:30 a.m.. It was getting late. Finally, John came upstairs from the basement and walked through the living room to go upstairs to bed. Suddenly, he stopped when he recognized the blue suitcase sitting by the door, then turned his head to look at me. We made straight eye contact for a brief moment, I think he was appalled by me leaving, he didn’t say one word, but his facial expression said it all. He turned away and walked upstairs. I sat in the living room, playing games on my phone until Rich arrived to pick me up. Finally, I received a text from Rich at 12:40 a.m. saying he just pulled up to my house. I quickly got up, tossed my phone in my purse and walked over to the front door to open it up. There he was in a green GMC Envoy, it was rather nice and I thought that maybe he got his shit together now that he has his own apartment and a vehicle. I walked outside with my suit case and down the steps towards the truck and Rich jumped out of the drivers seat and approached me with a big hug. “Heyyyy honey! You look great! He said while he was hugging me.

“Yeah, well I don’t feel so great, Rich!” I said, as we walked towards the back of the SUV and opened the hatch to put my suitcase in. As we closed the hatch and went to get into the SUV, I looked up to the second floor window and seen John staring out at me. Our eyesmet from a distance and a big part of me wanted to run back in to him. I began to tear up again and opened the passenger door and got in. Rich never seen him because he was already in the driver’s seat and buckled up.

“You okay, honey?” He asked, rubbing my left shoulderThere was a brief moment of silence, then I answered him, “yeah..I’m just fine, let’s get out of here.” Trying not to make it obvious that I was saddened by what I’d just seen before I got in the truck. We pulled away and drove 130 miles to Erie County, PA. that night. This would be one more bad choice that would effect my life for years to come.

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